allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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