I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I believe in your delicious
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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