The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
