i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
