just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
