bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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