Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
