I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is the high leading the old right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
