I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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