I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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