After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
