We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
