That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
