shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
