my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
