So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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