Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
