did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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