fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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