So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
