i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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