Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
