I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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