Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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