I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
