i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize