ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
