Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
high people should be assigned attendants
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
