i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
