Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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