I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
