Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
