I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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