I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
