so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
