I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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