You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
