you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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