even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
