so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
