Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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