Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
