Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
