i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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