Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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