do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
