Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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