I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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