dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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