I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
