It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
