I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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