I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
