No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
