Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
