you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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