i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
