worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize