According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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