he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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