I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
