honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
PANTIES FOUND
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