Are we in a gay sports bar?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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