I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
