i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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