Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
