my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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