dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
