Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
