yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
