So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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