Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
