So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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