Say something about gay babies.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
