Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
