I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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