I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
