i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
