So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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