get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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