apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
